Skip to main content

Twas the Night Before Valentines

Feb 13, 2013 12:56PM, Published by Kristen Lamb, Categories: Life+Leisure



Twas the Night Before Valentines…by Kristen Lamb

Twas the night before Valentines, and all through the land

The poor single people were wringing their hands

Handcuffs were hung by the nighties with care

Near the lotions and chocolates and mint underwear.

A day made by Hallmark to sell lots of stuff

Pushing candies and kittens and kisses and fluff

A day that makes “Single” a social disease

Like bubonic or typhoid or chiggers or fleas

And that fat baby Cupid must be on the take

Paid in buckets of cash and red velvet cake.

Love songs are played on every damn station

As “mush” takes over our entire nation.

Now not that we’re jaded, us single-type folk

We’ve tried Facebook and Match, and Equally-Yoked

We’ve tried parks and clubs and churches and bars

And a handful resorted to wishing on stars.

Like most other people, we want company

Without drama or fighting or disharmony.

No Jerry Springer or Kardashian drama

We have no time for all of that trauma.

Maybe we’re picky, world-weary, or fussy

Because we won’t date any Joe Schmo or hussy.

We want someone good-looking, gentle and sweet.

Hey, just cuz we’re single doesn’t make us minced meat.

We don’t begrudge the romance of others

The passion of courtship, the heat between lovers.

Before you judge my singular state

Think back to the days when YOU had to date.

Tomorrow we’ll stand in the grocery store line

Behind the husband with a bottle of wine

And a “Get-Well” bouquet cuz he waited too late

To find the red roses to give to his mate.

Hallmark has trained you to scurry and dash

Into its stores with fistfuls of cash.

For stuffed little critters with a lap full of love

And boxes of chocolate morsels from Dove.

Singles won’t stand hours waiting to dine

On elf food with garnish and overpriced wine.

No chocolates with abnormal tropical middles

Or angst about thighs that may wiggle and jiggle.

No staying in bars desperately late

Trying to connect with a last-minute date.

So embrace your status and shout it out loud.

Yes, I am single! Single and Proud!


Like what you're reading? Subscribe to Mansfield Magazine's free newsletter to get regular updates



Embed this content on your website

Embed


kristen lamb valentines day love single life romance twas the night before valentines


  • Back to School Bash is coming ... August 12th Vendor / Booth opportunities available. Booth...


  • HillsideFIT: July Stroller Barre

    07/20/2017
    08:00AM — 09:00AM

    Get geared up for summer with Hillside Village‘s HillsideFIT, a free fitness series taught by exp...


  • Summer in the Arts 2017: July 10-29

    07/20/2017
    09:00AM — 04:00PM

    roll them in the Grand Prairie Arts Council’s 2017 Summer in the Arts Program. Sessions run ...


  • Forest Day Camp

    07/20/2017
    09:00AM — 12:00PM

    Students will learn all about the layers of the forest including the plants, animals, and insects...


  • Adventure Days for Kids

    07/20/2017
    09:00AM — 12:00PM

    Loyd Park hosts Adventure Days as the perfect way to introduce children to nature and outdoor exp...


  • Reptile Camp

    07/20/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Our Summer Day Camp provides a safe and fun environment for youngsters aged 6-15 to explore the w...


  • Exhibit: Milton H. Greene: Women

    07/20/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    May 13, 2017 – August 6, 2017 Born in New York in 1922, Milton Greene began taking pictures at...


  • 2nd Annual Giant Water Balloon Fight

    07/20/2017
    05:00PM — 08:00PM

    Join us at The LOT Downtown for our 2nd Annual Giant Water Ballon Fight and water games! Free Fam...


  • Intro to Fishing

    07/20/2017
    07:00PM — 08:00PM

    Ready to cast your bait and reel in the big fish this summer? Join us for beginning fishing clas...


  • Summer in the Arts 2017: July 10-29

    07/21/2017
    09:00AM — 04:00PM

    roll them in the Grand Prairie Arts Council’s 2017 Summer in the Arts Program. Sessions run ...


  • Forest Day Camp

    07/21/2017
    09:00AM — 12:00PM

    Students will learn all about the layers of the forest including the plants, animals, and insects...


  • Reptile Camp

    07/21/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Our Summer Day Camp provides a safe and fun environment for youngsters aged 6-15 to explore the w...


  • Exhibit: Milton H. Greene: Women

    07/21/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    May 13, 2017 – August 6, 2017 Born in New York in 1922, Milton Greene began taking pictures at...


  • Summer Fun Food Truck Friday

    07/21/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Come out and enjoy food, family, friends and fun! We will have great food from Tacos Mundial & Ca...


  • This July, celebrate classic movies on the big screen at Grapevine’s Historic Palace Theatre, 300...


  • Finding Neverland

    07/21/2017
    07:30PM

    Magic is real—all you need is a little pixie dust. “Finding Neverland,” directed by Tony Award-wi...


  • 2017 Mansfield Farmers Market

    07/22/2017
    08:00AM — 01:00PM

    In continuous operation since 2004, the Mansfield Farmers Market has experienced a renaissance in...


  • Get Growing Mansfield

    07/22/2017
    10:00AM — 11:00AM

    Mansfield Water Utilities has partnered with the Mansfield Farmer's Market to present Get Growing...


  • Texas Predators

    07/22/2017
    10:00AM — 11:00AM

    In honor of National Rat-catcher Day, we will learn about Texas predators of all sizes. After tal...


  • Medallion Help-Create - School is Out!

    07/22/2017
    10:00AM — 01:00PM

    Hip, hip, hooray! School is out for summer! Vetro is celebrating summer break with fire and flame...


  • Reptile Camp

    07/22/2017
    10:00AM — 06:00PM

    Our Summer Day Camp provides a safe and fun environment for youngsters aged 6-15 to explore the w...


  • Exhibit: Milton H. Greene: Women

    07/22/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    May 13, 2017 – August 6, 2017 Born in New York in 1922, Milton Greene began taking pictures at...


  • Brunch Time!

    07/22/2017
    10:30AM — 11:30AM

    Watch our resident critters enjoy their Brunch every Saturday at 10am! Our arachnids and amphibia...


  • It's Appy Hour

    07/22/2017
    10:30AM — 12:00PM

    Meet us at the Betty Warmack Library and discover free and fun applications and learning tools th...


  • Finding Neverland

    07/22/2017
    07:30PM

    Magic is real—all you need is a little pixie dust. “Finding Neverland,” directed by Tony Award-wi...


  • Exhibit: Milton H. Greene: Women

    07/23/2017
    01:00PM — 05:00PM

    May 13, 2017 – August 6, 2017 Born in New York in 1922, Milton Greene began taking pictures at...


  • DFW Solar Awareness Day

    07/24/2017
    12:00AM

    Hello! We are putting together a day for solar awareness in the DFW area! Talk to your friends...


  • Summer in the Arts 2017: July 10-29

    07/24/2017
    09:00AM — 04:00PM

    roll them in the Grand Prairie Arts Council’s 2017 Summer in the Arts Program. Sessions run ...


  • Summer in the Arts 2017: July 10-29

    07/26/2017
    09:00AM — 04:00PM

    roll them in the Grand Prairie Arts Council’s 2017 Summer in the Arts Program. Sessions run ...


  • Adventure Days for Kids

    07/26/2017
    09:00AM — 12:00PM

    Loyd Park hosts Adventure Days as the perfect way to introduce children to nature and outdoor exp...


  • Little Naturalist

    07/26/2017
    09:30AM — 10:15AM

    Colors of Nature - Children ages 3-5 come learn about nature through exploration. We will read, ...


  • Exhibit: Milton H. Greene: Women

    07/26/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    May 13, 2017 – August 6, 2017 Born in New York in 1922, Milton Greene began taking pictures at...


 

Image title
Mansfield Area High School Sports

Community Champions