Skip to main content

Twas the Night Before Valentines

Feb 13, 2013 12:56PM ● Published by Kristen Lamb

Twas the Night Before Valentines…by Kristen Lamb

Twas the night before Valentines, and all through the land

The poor single people were wringing their hands

Handcuffs were hung by the nighties with care

Near the lotions and chocolates and mint underwear.

A day made by Hallmark to sell lots of stuff

Pushing candies and kittens and kisses and fluff

A day that makes “Single” a social disease

Like bubonic or typhoid or chiggers or fleas

And that fat baby Cupid must be on the take

Paid in buckets of cash and red velvet cake.

Love songs are played on every damn station

As “mush” takes over our entire nation.

Now not that we’re jaded, us single-type folk

We’ve tried Facebook and Match, and Equally-Yoked

We’ve tried parks and clubs and churches and bars

And a handful resorted to wishing on stars.

Like most other people, we want company

Without drama or fighting or disharmony.

No Jerry Springer or Kardashian drama

We have no time for all of that trauma.

Maybe we’re picky, world-weary, or fussy

Because we won’t date any Joe Schmo or hussy.

We want someone good-looking, gentle and sweet.

Hey, just cuz we’re single doesn’t make us minced meat.

We don’t begrudge the romance of others

The passion of courtship, the heat between lovers.

Before you judge my singular state

Think back to the days when YOU had to date.

Tomorrow we’ll stand in the grocery store line

Behind the husband with a bottle of wine

And a “Get-Well” bouquet cuz he waited too late

To find the red roses to give to his mate.

Hallmark has trained you to scurry and dash

Into its stores with fistfuls of cash.

For stuffed little critters with a lap full of love

And boxes of chocolate morsels from Dove.

Singles won’t stand hours waiting to dine

On elf food with garnish and overpriced wine.

No chocolates with abnormal tropical middles

Or angst about thighs that may wiggle and jiggle.

No staying in bars desperately late

Trying to connect with a last-minute date.

So embrace your status and shout it out loud.

Yes, I am single! Single and Proud!

Like what you're reading? Subscribe to Mansfield Magazine's free newsletter to get regular updates



Embed this content on your website

Embed
Life+Leisure kristen lamb valentines day love single life romance twas the night before valentines
  • Holiday Grease Roundup

    12/13/2017
    08:00AM

    Don't pour your holiday grease down the drain—round it up and recycle it for free instead! Hol...


  • Photos with Santa at Traders Village

    12/13/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    Santa photos at Traders Village start on November 25th. Kids of all ages can have their photo tak...


  • Little Naturalist

    12/13/2017
    10:30AM — 11:15AM

    Winter Weather- Children ages 3‐5 will learn about nature through discovery. We will read, sing...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/13/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/13/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/13/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/13/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/13/2017
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Prairie Lights 2017

    12/13/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Prairie Lights is the state's premier holiday drive-through park featuring more than 5 million li...


  • Cirque Du Soleil Varekai

    12/13/2017
    07:30PM

    After 15 years of performing around the world and thrilling more than 11 million people, Varekai ...


  • Holiday Grease Roundup

    12/14/2017
    08:00AM

    Don't pour your holiday grease down the drain—round it up and recycle it for free instead! Hol...


  • Photos with Santa at Traders Village

    12/14/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    Santa photos at Traders Village start on November 25th. Kids of all ages can have their photo tak...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/14/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/14/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/14/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/14/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/14/2017
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Prairie Lights 2017

    12/14/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Prairie Lights is the state's premier holiday drive-through park featuring more than 5 million li...


  • Cirque Du Soleil Varekai

    12/14/2017
    07:30PM

    After 15 years of performing around the world and thrilling more than 11 million people, Varekai ...


  • Holiday Grease Roundup

    12/15/2017
    08:00AM

    Don't pour your holiday grease down the drain—round it up and recycle it for free instead! Hol...


  • Photos with Santa at Traders Village

    12/15/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    Santa photos at Traders Village start on November 25th. Kids of all ages can have their photo tak...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/15/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/15/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/15/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/15/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/15/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Fireside Holidays at Four Seasons

    12/15/2017
    06:00PM — 08:00PM

    Don't get your tinsel in a tangle this holiday season trying to figure out fun things to do with ...


  • Prairie Lights 2017

    12/15/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Prairie Lights is the state's premier holiday drive-through park featuring more than 5 million li...


  • Interlochen Lights 2017

    12/15/2017
    07:00PM — 11:00PM

    "Texas Best" Christmas Lights (as voted by the viewers of the Texas Country Reporter TV Show) are...


  • Cirque Du Soleil Varekai

    12/15/2017
    07:30PM

    After 15 years of performing around the world and thrilling more than 11 million people, Varekai ...


  • Holiday Grease Roundup

    12/16/2017
    08:00AM

    Don't pour your holiday grease down the drain—round it up and recycle it for free instead! Hol...


  • Winter Chemistry (5Y+)

    12/16/2017
    09:00AM — 10:00AM

    The days are getting shorter, and the weather is getting colder. No snow in Texas? No problem...


  • Gingerbread Workshop Extravaganza

    12/16/2017
    10:00AM — 04:00PM

    It’s that time of year! Lights are being strung, stockings are being hung and the creation of con...


  • Breakfast with Santa at Four Seasons

    12/16/2017
    10:00AM — 12:00PM

    The jolly ol' elf joins Four Seasons Dallas for breakfast and holiday crafts. Kids, bring your C...


  • Photos with Santa at Traders Village

    12/16/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    Santa photos at Traders Village start on November 25th. Kids of all ages can have their photo tak...


  • Brunch Time!

    12/16/2017
    10:30AM — 11:30AM

    Watch our resident critters enjoy their Brunch every Saturday at 10am! Our arachnids and amphibia...


  • Painting in the Park

    12/16/2017
    10:30AM — 12:00PM

    Join us for a nature-themed painting class at Oliver Nature Park. An artist will guide you step-b...


  • Invasive Species (16y+)

    12/16/2017
    12:30PM — 01:30PM

    Plants and animals that are not native to an area can spell trouble for the ecosystem. What a...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/16/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/16/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • The Nutcracker 2017

    12/16/2017
    02:00PM

    Join the Art Ballet Academy on a magical trip to the land of the Sugarplum Fairy, waltzing snowfl...


  • The Mansfield Public Library presents the Dallas Puppet Theater featuring lively, hand-crafted ma...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/16/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/16/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/16/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Prairie Lights 2017

    12/16/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Prairie Lights is the state's premier holiday drive-through park featuring more than 5 million li...


  • The Nutcracker 2017

    12/16/2017
    06:00PM

    Join the Art Ballet Academy on a magical trip to the land of the Sugarplum Fairy, waltzing snowfl...


  • Winter Solstice Celebration - a Free Event

    12/16/2017
    06:30PM — 09:30PM

    Entertainment highlights the Winter Solstice Event presented by the Labyrinth Walk Coffee. Admiss...


  • Interlochen Lights 2017

    12/16/2017
    07:00PM — 11:00PM

    "Texas Best" Christmas Lights (as voted by the viewers of the Texas Country Reporter TV Show) are...


  • There will be live music from Scott Welmaker and Hambone Radio, succulent BBQ from Big D BBQ, dri...


  • Cirque Du Soleil Varekai

    12/16/2017
    07:30PM

    After 15 years of performing around the world and thrilling more than 11 million people, Varekai ...


  • Feel the excitement as the Las Colinas Symphony Orchestra celebrates a Holiday in Vienna! Joined ...


  • Holiday Grease Roundup

    12/17/2017
    08:00AM

    Don't pour your holiday grease down the drain—round it up and recycle it for free instead! Hol...


  • Photos with Santa at Traders Village

    12/17/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    Santa photos at Traders Village start on November 25th. Kids of all ages can have their photo tak...


  • Gingerbread Workshop Extravaganza

    12/17/2017
    11:00AM — 05:00PM

    It’s that time of year! Lights are being strung, stockings are being hung and the creation of con...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/17/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/17/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/17/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/17/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/17/2017
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Prairie Lights 2017

    12/17/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Prairie Lights is the state's premier holiday drive-through park featuring more than 5 million li...


  • Interlochen Lights 2017

    12/17/2017
    07:00PM — 11:00PM

    "Texas Best" Christmas Lights (as voted by the viewers of the Texas Country Reporter TV Show) are...


  • Cirque Du Soleil Varekai

    12/17/2017
    07:30PM

    After 15 years of performing around the world and thrilling more than 11 million people, Varekai ...


  • DFW Solar Awareness Day

    12/18/2017
    12:00AM

    Hello! We are putting together a day for solar awareness in the DFW area! Talk to your friends...


  • Mansfield Sunrise Toastmasters

    12/18/2017
    07:00AM — 08:00AM

    Want to be better at negotiating your salary with your boss? Networking at business functions? Pi...


  • Holiday Grease Roundup

    12/18/2017
    08:00AM

    Don't pour your holiday grease down the drain—round it up and recycle it for free instead! Hol...


  • Photos with Santa at Traders Village

    12/18/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    Santa photos at Traders Village start on November 25th. Kids of all ages can have their photo tak...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/18/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/18/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/18/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/18/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/18/2017
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Prairie Lights 2017

    12/18/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Prairie Lights is the state's premier holiday drive-through park featuring more than 5 million li...


  • Interlochen Lights 2017

    12/18/2017
    07:00PM — 11:00PM

    "Texas Best" Christmas Lights (as voted by the viewers of the Texas Country Reporter TV Show) are...


  • Holiday Grease Roundup

    12/19/2017
    08:00AM

    Don't pour your holiday grease down the drain—round it up and recycle it for free instead! Hol...


  • Photos with Santa at Traders Village

    12/19/2017
    10:00AM — 05:00PM

    Santa photos at Traders Village start on November 25th. Kids of all ages can have their photo tak...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/19/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/19/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/19/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/19/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/19/2017
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Prairie Lights 2017

    12/19/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Prairie Lights is the state's premier holiday drive-through park featuring more than 5 million li...


  • Interlochen Lights 2017

    12/19/2017
    07:00PM — 11:00PM

    "Texas Best" Christmas Lights (as voted by the viewers of the Texas Country Reporter TV Show) are...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/15/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Prairie Lights 2017

    12/15/2017
    06:00PM — 09:00PM

    Prairie Lights is the state's premier holiday drive-through park featuring more than 5 million li...


  • Interlochen Lights 2017

    12/15/2017
    07:00PM — 11:00PM

    "Texas Best" Christmas Lights (as voted by the viewers of the Texas Country Reporter TV Show) are...


  • The Nutcracker 2017

    12/16/2017
    02:00PM

    Join the Art Ballet Academy on a magical trip to the land of the Sugarplum Fairy, waltzing snowfl...


  • The Mansfield Public Library presents the Dallas Puppet Theater featuring lively, hand-crafted ma...


  • There will be live music from Scott Welmaker and Hambone Radio, succulent BBQ from Big D BBQ, dri...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/18/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • Third Thursday - Historic Christmas

    12/21/2017
    05:00PM — 08:00PM

    It all happens 5:00pm - 8:00pm in historic downtown as local businesses and merchants extend thei...


 

Image title
Mansfield Area High School Sports

Community Champions